My Own Private Phone Booth by CL Bledsoe and Michael Gushue

My other cape is at the cleaners, so all I have
is my dashing good looks to demonstrate
my superiority. My Ex-Boyfriend vision bores
into you, my staple-thin mustache guesses
your weight. And these teeth? They cost somebody
a fortune. I'm a labradoodle slab
with the ability to bend, fold, and mutilate steel
rebar into a double heart pierced by a MasterCard.
I'm able to run faster than a High speed internet
connection blond joke. See this watch? The President
of the World Bank gave it to me because I opened
a savings account. Everyone wants to sleep with me,
and I’m going bald from washing my hair.
This fur collar is made of genuine collar,
so rare only the dead suspect it exists.
You know what my secret identity is?
It's someone who doesn't know you or the hill
of beans your problems will always be.

*****

CL Bledsoe is the author of a dozen books, most recently the poetry collection Riceland and the novel Man of Clay. 

Michael Gushue runs the nano-press Beothuk Books and is co-founder of Poetry Mutual/Vrzhu Press. His work appears online and in print, most recently in Beltway Poetry Quarterly, the Michigan Quarterly, and Gargoyle. His chapbooks are Gathering Down Women, Conrad, and Pachinko Mouth (from Plan B Press).